Fresh

"It could be wrong, could be wrong
But it should've been right
It could be wrong, could be wrong
To let our hearts ignite
It could be wrong, could be wrong
Are we digging a hole?
It could be wrong, could be wrong
This is out of control
It could be wrong, could be wrong
It could never last
It could be wrong, could be wrong
Must erase it fast
It could be wrong, could be wrong
But it could have been right
It could be wrong, could be wrong

Love is our resistance."



I haven't had time to make New Year's resolutions yet. In a way I'm actually scared of them. I've always hated goal setting because I feel like I'm putting pressure on myself. The usual template for goals- "By [insert time here] I will have done [insert goal here]"- includes no qualifier, no "or else". So if I don't accomplish my goal, the only other alternative is feeling disappointed in myself. That's not nice. Expectations strike again!

These were last year's resolutions. The ones I've achieved are in bold.

"Get plenty of sleep
Make every second beverage water
Eat healthily
Wear my hair up at least three times a week
Dress alternatively
Be myself

Start writing again
Start dancing
Write in diary every day
Listen to all of my backlog of new music

Teach piano and voice
Get a job
Save more than I spend
Get a new laptop
Find a keytar
Move out
Go to every lecture

Never forget a birthday
Stay in touch with high school friends
Throw farewell party for EeLaine"

I guess I got most of them... so why am I so scared of resolutions? I guess what I'm most afraid of is failure. I'm afraid that other circumstances will arise that aren't my fault, and I won't be able to accomplish my goals. I'm even more afraid that fate won't intervene and it will be all my fault for being lazy.
This is going to be an intense year for me. I'm moving out, trying to balance Uni and my new job as a singing teacher, trying to get enough money to pay the bills and look after myself and Jared. It might be tough. To throw more on top of myself just seems silly, and seeing as I don't know what the year is going to be like, setting goals that I can predict I will accomplish is impossible.
And yet, with this fresh start hovering over my head, I can't help but turn my mind towards the important things, the things I want to achieve this year.