Educate

"Why do I feel so numb?
Is it something to do with where I come from?
Should this be fight or flight?
I don't know why I'm constantly reeling.

Helpless hysteria
A false sense of urgency
Trapped in my phobia
Possessed by anxiety."


I had my first day of music teacher training today. It was... intense. There's so much they feel the have to educate us on... and I'm paying attention as I've never paid attention before, despite the feeling that it's all common sense. You know, stuff about being friendly and that. I don't know, I'm going to have to look through my notes again. My head is overfull of information; it doesn't even know where to start cataloging.

Also I had an instant coffee today with too much coffee in it and went on a nasty caffeine trip. I got all anxious and panicky and sick-feeling. Why do I do that to myself? Why haven't I learned about my low tolerance for caffeine? I had two coffees and a tea today. I must get out of the habit of drinking things like that just to look grown up. I think this is an example of what that girl said today, Laney (the other new vocal teacher), that learning is conscious. You have to choose to learn from something.

A tiny baby has just come into the world. My niece, Lyrical. She is so, so tiny. It's daunting. I feel afraid when I hold her, nervous of the huge responsibility that comes with such a tiny thing. I loved the idea of "Auntie Sheen" but now that it's down to it, I'm scared. The vulnerability and dependence of a newborn baby is staggering. Her entire life, aspects of her personality and her behaviour, they are in our hands.

What will she learn?


Well, I'll teach her to sing. And that coffee is bad for you.