Obsession

"And in the dark
I can hear your heartbeat
I try to find the sun

But then, it starts
I'm always in the darkness
Of darkness I'd be King..."



Ohhh no. Please tell me this isn't happening. Not again. I thought I was past this stage?
It all started with a man called Jason Kay, from the band Jamiroquai. I was so scarily obsessed with him I even used to say goodnight to a little picture of him in my wallet (Deanna can attest to that. I'm sure she'd love to). The next big one was a little something called Phantom of the Opera. Now that one wasn't too bad because it was a whole thing, not just one person that I was fixated on. But that screwed me up enough because it was so dark and depressing. After that there were a few minor flutters into the land of the insane before I hit on Doctor Who, namely a certain actor called David Tennant. Now I was a bit older, so this wasn't as scary as the Jay Kay one but still... huge giant folders of images in My Documents, box sets of dvds... and after the final of the second season when the Doctor and his female opposite character Rose were parted forever, it took me three days to get over the sadness completely. I cried myself to sleep that night, it was such a sad episode. Even after the obsession itself was over and I finally saw David Tennant as a man and an actor, and not the character of the Doctor who I'd fallen in love with; when David Tennant was replaced as the Docter by this other baby-faced young guy, I scoffed and insulted him for being unoriginal and generally just not as good.
But now... I just watched this episode with the new guy, Matt Smith, and there was this one scene... and the same old feeling started coming back to me.
It always starts with something touching, with a character showing some vulnerability or tenderness. This fluttering feeling starts in my chest, just like the beginnings of a crush on some real normal person. At the time I just go "awww, that was so sweet..." and I might rewind it if I can to watch the scene again (which I did). But later on I'll find that I can't stop thinking about it, and then I'll find that I feel sort of... wistful and lonely, and still caught up in the story. Wishing that it was real and that I was in it. And that is how my obsessions start.
I blame my imagination. I am so good at putting myself in the shoes of the female opposite character that it affects me somehow. Admittedly this is a skill on the part of the scriptwriters and actors and directors too, but I have always been good at imagining, ever since I was a little girl. And it mucks with my brain. And I thought I'd grown out of it. It hasn't come back to attack me since I met Jared. And yet! HERE IT IS AGAIN. And I don't want it.

Shellfish

"You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You better bend before I go
On the first train to Mexico..."


So it’s been exam time. And at this time more than any of the University cycle, it seems people are very much “for” themselves. I’m sitting in Info Commons right now, and behind me are two computer niches which were being “reserved” with bags. Not only is this not actually allowed, it’s blatantly inconsiderate... and it’s not allowed BECAUSE it’s blatantly inconsiderate.
I sat down at my computer about 20 minutes ago, and in that whole time nobody came to claim the bags left on the desks. An Indian girl just came up to me looking harassed and worried, and asked me if anyone was sitting there. I told her I hadn’t seen anyone around there for quite a while, and we had a little rant-party about people who leave their belongings at a computer desk and go get food (among other things) when it’s exam time and so many people are waiting for a computer. Now I’m her witness for if the person comes back and gets pissed off.

I mean, I’m not that much better- look at me, it’s exam time and I’m sitting here writing on a blog when there’s probably someone desperate for a computer to research some obscure essay topic... but at least I do what I want to do as fast as I can, and I don’t leave my stuff and walk away any further than to a printer. Some people actually do “reserve” a computer and then go buy food, have lunch and come back expecting that they can just sit down and go on their facebook. The number of worried faces I can see pacing back and forth in this room! What can those people be thinking? Don’t they feel bad about it? At the very least they should be worried about someone making off with their stuff. If you wait long enough, especially with the apathetic society that we have going on at Auckland Uni, nobody is going to be bothered or be sure enough of themselves to stop a stranger making off with your stuff. They’re just going to think that stranger is you.

And I don’t mean to be judgemental or racist, but a lot of the time the bags left are those fancy Gucci/Guess or some imitation of the above type... and the books left are written in some Asian language... and you just KNOW they’re going to belong to some stick-thin fashion-obsessed chick... likely to be Chinese/Japanese/Korean. And I have actually seen this in person, I’m not just assuming. Is it a cultural thing? Is it because of the attitude of the countries that these people have come from? I have so so many Chinese or Korean friends and they are the nicest people ever, but most of them have been in N.Z. quite a while... most of their lives, usually. Are Kiwis just more self-sacrificing than other nationalities? Or are Asians just more self-centered?

Oh dear, this is sounding racist. But I’m not meaning to judge... I’m just making observations.

It has now been over half an hour since I first sat down here, and still the owners of the bags have not returned. Who do they think they are?!