Chapter Seven: Expectations

"But I keep climbing and hoping things would change,
And the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away
It's like moving mountains,
It's like moving mountains
Why you just leave me?"



Expectations. They are everywhere. When we are brought up we are taught to expect things, to look forward, to anticipate. We're even told to expect the unexpected, which is grammatically impossible. But what good have expectations ever done for us?

Christmas is coming. I'm at the age, and have been for several years, when I no longer get surprise presents; I'm asked what I want, and if I choose carefully I usually get it. I therefore expect to get what I asked for. And I do. The expecting of it doesn't make the reception any nicer, and if I didn't get what I expected to, then it would be a disappointment.
I suppose there are people out there for whom the anticipation of the gift is as good or better than the actual getting of it; but in some ways I am not a particularly patient person and once I know what I'm getting, waiting for it just infuriates me.
Still, I hate surprises. Genuine ones are okay, but I hate surprises when the person surprising you hints at what they're doing. So what right do I have to object to the only alternative; anticipation?

Then here is another example. T.V. shows: soap operas, medical dramas, sitcoms. They're supposed to depict at least a smidgen of real life, of reality. Of course, there are probably a few people who watch them and realise that they aren't as "real" as they pretend they are, or people who realise that and then deliberately DON'T watch them... but the sad truth is that children, young teens and less intelligent people do take them as representations of real life. They therefore expect to live their life like that; and then they fulfill their own expectations. No matter if the "real life" situations with their "true" characters are depicting something dangerous to a person's health or the lives of those around them! It's the way that life is, and the individual couldn't imagine it any other way. Wouldn't expect it any other way. It takes the intelligent person to figure out that life is NOT what you see on T.V. Those girls going to parties every night and working five days a week would not still be able to look like that in the morning. Work affairs mostly do not work out. Life is much, much harder than the lives led on screen. It's much more boring and it can be much more interesting. If you want to waste it being that girl or that guy, because you expect life to be like what you've watched, then fine; but know that it is a waste. Each individual is capable of much more than the shadows of them that are portrayed for entertainment. And nobody- nobody- should seek out that much drama.

But the real shame, the real crime, is the expectations of relationships. Girlfriend, Dolly, Creme... the magazines tell young girls what to expect, and they lap it right up. We all did. Some still do. Wait for the guy who makes you feel special every moment of the day. The one who treats you like a princess. The one who will look after you. The one who never makes you cry. The one who makes you feel strong. The one who is perfect. Perfection. That's what we are raised to expect. The saying "only human" is never ever taken into account here. How incredibly unfair is this to guys? The expectation of perfection is so impossible that not a single one can hope to reach it. Who wants to be treated like a princess? Better to be treated like a real person with your own autonomy. To have fun rather than be wrapped in cotton wool. Who wants to be looked after, to be made to feel strong? You should be able to look after yourself. You will be a much more adaptable, complete person if you can be strong in yourself rather than constantly relying on another person for your self-esteem or the way your life is. And if he makes you cry: good. You should cry. If this emotion that you are feeling is real and deep enough to last, it should cause tears. If he hurts you, cry. Cry and curse him, and then think about it from his point of view. Is he really going to hurt you on purpose like that? He is only human. ONLY HUMAN. We all are. We all make mistakes. The impossible things we are taught to expect from relationships only cause more trouble in the long run; more broken hearts, more agony, more wasted time.

Expectations rarely yield positive outcomes. At best they are neutral, and yet we continue to invest in them. Why? Can't everyone see how destructive they can be to other people?
I can usually see the good in people and their behaviours. I'm sure there's some good in having expectations... but, for the life of me, I can't find it in the darkness cast by their shadows.