"Feed my head with some real thoughts
And let me think instead of being taught
I'll say things you won't believe
Just stand back, just let me breathe."
So in the end I got sick of it all and texted the silly fool, and to cut a long story short we are now back to normal.
But now I don't know if I'm as happy as I was before, because Jared said "why do you have to be friends with him again? You've seemed so much happier in the past few weeks."
Have I really? Was I really happier without? Or is my boyfriend just saying things to try and get my friend boy who he detests out of my life? I could never believe for a second that Jared would tell me a lie or even a half-truth. God only knows.
Why can't I have everything? Why can't everyone just be happy?
Things that are annoying me right now:
Answering the phone.
Having to try and be on a diet-ish thing where I'm supposed to be eating healthily but really just wanting to say screw it and snuggle down and eat a king size block of chocolate.
The way that my parents, especially my mother, makes me feel guilty for eating anything at all, but especially when I eat a whole family bag of chips because I'm supposed to ask her permission before I can have any at all. I mean what the fuck. I'm not five years old anymore. This is my house too, except she doesn't seem to think so. We had a fight about me keeping my room tidy and she was like "this is only your house as long as we allow you to stay in it." How inappropriate is it to threaten to kick me out of the house for not tidying my room or for eating a bag of chips? That's like that lady on SVU last night who sent that teenager to prison for urinating on someone's fence. Except she got arrested, and my mum is still laughing too loudly on the phone and coughing in a really dramatic manner that makes me want to strangle her.
The way my dad looks around at me with his eyebrows raised when mum asks me to apologise for something she should have the sense not to take personally, and then he wiggles them and looks at me like I'm stupid. I think it's nearly time to leave home.
How I want to leave home but we just moved into a nice new house which I love, so I don't want to leave. I'd rather evict my parents. I wish I owned this place.
How there are "twi-hards" and "twi-haters". Those are not even clever names. If you're going to go overboard then at least have some imagination and intelligence for God's sake.
This constant pressure that I feel to act like an adult, or at least not to act like a teenager. I have never acted like a teenager. I never thought I'd care, but I do. I just want to complain about stupid stuff! Not have to think about big world issues and be a normal person!
How whenever I feel morose people say "but you should be happy". I am happy. Honest.
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aww well I'm very glad you sorted it out.
ReplyDeletemaybe you were happier in the last few weeks because you were trying to move on? or simply trying to deal with it by overcompensating?
or maybe your recent happiness doesn't even have anything to do with 'the silly fool' lol
OMG
my parents are exactly the same!!!!! they're ALWAYS bitching about me eating things, especially at night and they lecture me about how I don't eat enough during the day but it's like, how would you even know you don't see me during the day! and ugh yes its like, why should I have to get permission to feed myself??
things like that really make me want to move out too. and once again I totally feel the same because I LOVE my area of our new house and i wish I could just like rent it out myself and ban my parents from coming near my room lol
its good that you're happy though :) i think one of the biggest signs that you've grown up is that shitty things can happen but you're still able to be happy
PS thanks HEAPS for inviting me to your bday, your friends are really awesome and i didnt feel excluded or anything and I hada really good time :)