Paranoia

"All wound up, on the edge, terrified
Sleep disturbed, restless mind, petrified
Bouts of fear permeate all I see
Heightening nervousness threatens me."

Thoughts from English 121...

! Do you ever get the feeling you're being stalked by everyone? Especially guys?
I know, I know, it's pathetic of me to think that everyone's in love with me and think that they all think I'm hot and all that but honestly, it's so annoying. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me. I really shouldn't complain because once there was a time when I was not looked at by ANYONE, I was all short and very chub and I hated it. I longed for people to think that I was hot and desirable. Thus does desire wound. Be careful what you wish for. Etc.

@ Also, my tutor is really strange looking. I can't decide whether I like him or not. I like him because he's awkward and funny and reminds me of a stork or a wading bird. I don't like him because he gave me a B grade for my narrative and he has a long pointy nose and told us about the love letter that one of the guys in one of his past tutorials wrote him. I wish I had this guy as my tutor, though really a few weeks ago I would have hated him because his name is Tim. But right now he's awesome because he's telling us about how he procrastinated by baking muffins.

# Apparently procrastination is in our DNA. We cannot escape. Brilliant...

$ Somehow in the past week or so I have managed to scramble together a 1800 word essay and a very tricky assignment (which was then copied by 2-3 people who had not even attempted it). I know it's not good for me to force this scramble on myself, because it makes me stress and burst into tears at the dinner table over my meatloaf, but it seems to be normal for uni students. Not the meatloaf, the scrambling. Now I want scrambled eggs. I still have one essay to go which is a redraft which should theoretically be easier than writing a whole essay, but somehow I worry that this is not true.

% All I really want to do is play Age of Empires and watch Grey's Anatomy and read other peoples' blogs. I'm really craving my four months of holidays where I can just chill out.

^ I can't believe next week is the last week of uni. The last week of my first year of University. Holy crap... in no time at all I will be a second year looking down on all the new first years, many of which I will personally already know. It seems to be rather final... this ending of the year. Once I start second year, there's no backing out. It's the middle year. The middle child. I'm excited but I'm also rather nervous. And right now I feel so jaded with uni that it's hard to think about next year's coursework.

& Oh God, a debate about why is it that we don't eat dog, with a really angry opinionated lady. Why is there always a crazily opinionated person in every lecture in every tutorial? You know, the person who always speaks out. Sadly I think that I am that person in my Linguistics tutorial. Now that phonetics is over I am getting back my ability to know the answer almost before I finish reading the question, which is comforting because it means that I can accurately and confidently answer three of the four sections of the exam.

* I'm really scared of the Anthropology exam. Come to think of it I'm pretty terrified that I'll fail my latest essay- the one I was scrambling with yesterday- because I got a C for my last one and I thought it was rather good. It pisses me off because it's only my general education class and it has caused me so much panic. Is there no class which is an easy win for gen ed? Shouldn't they all be easy? I just want a bum class that I can sail through, pleeeeeease...

( Hello, girl who went to Jared's primary who has subscribed to my blog. Your name is vaguely familiar to me but please don't be offended if we were actually in the same school once and I don't remember... I have a better memory for faces than names, and your face is vaguely familiar too. I really enjoy your blogs, they are a good way of procrastinating and sometimes really make me laugh. Not sure if that was your aim with them, but there it is.

) This whole post has only taken me half an hour. I like to sit in the last seat of the row because then I can hide my laptop screen from people behind me and they can't see that I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing. HOLY CRAP DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE ON THE PROJECTOR SCREEN! My God, I love this Tim guy. I just wish his name wasn't Tim. Girls do have Adam's apples but they don't stick out. Kieran isn't coming for his singing lesson dammit so I don't get Grey's season 2 or $30. I'm cooking chicken stirfry tonight for dinner. I'm going to start my English essay tonight, but I might not because Jared will be there. Procrastination, procrastination...