Chapter Eight: Down

"Tidal waves
They rip right through me
Tears from eyes mourn
Cold and sad
Pick me up now
I need you so bad."


I haven't posted in so long, it's getting ridiculous. I realised this the other night and mentioned it to Jared, and he said "it's because you're happy."
And then I realised that was actually true. Basically I've just been using this blog to post about being unhappy or confused or things like that. And looking back, this is true of my other blogs as well as my past personal diaries. Why do I only write about being upset? If this was a real account of my day to day life, a lot of it would be all about how happy and content I am.

I guess at least part of the reason I don't blog about being happy is, well, it's boring. It's connected to the other reason I post sometimes... when I've had an epiphany or a breakthrough of some kind, and I want to share it and sound wise and impressive and like a really good writer. People don't really enjoy reading about happy people. It makes them depressed that they aren't as happy or don't have the things that the happy person does, and most of the time that depression shows as boredom. I want people to read my blog, to identify with it, but you have to admit that it's easier to identify with unhappy things than happy things. Why is this? Surely we aren't all sad all the time.

But when you look at musicians and artists and film writers and other creative people, the same theme shows through. I certainly know that it's infinitely easier to write a song when you're feeling down. When I'm happy for ages my creativity dries up. Why? It's not like we only turn to music when we're unhappy. But it's so much harder to write about feeling good than it is about feeling bad. Happiness and the reasons behind happiness are so indescribable sometimes. Happiness is fleeting, whereas depression settles in for the long haul.

I'd really like someone to do a study on the human brain to find out why this is so. And how do we fix it?

Anyway. Deanna has inspired me. From now on I'm going to blog more, and I'm going to use it like my diary, like I was supposed to. I don't want to look back and think that I was unhappy during what is actually the greatest time of my life.

P.S. Hahaha. Jared went to the dawn celebration this morning, he had to get up at 4am and now he's lying on the couch and I can hear him snoring XD